Glutton Forum

I love "Will It Blend?" videos, I'm severely mancrushing on Tom Dickson, and no matter what you haters say, Chuck Norris is the freakin man and his humor will always make me giggle - these things I know.  Since 2006, Tom Dickson, the spokesman for BlendTec blenders, has been blending up everything from rakes to iPhones in an effort to show the world how insanely powerful his blenders are.  Well friends, Tom's blender finally met its match...Chuck f'ing Norris.  Chuck Norris and Tom Dickson fans alike will have their hearts stolen by this wonderful clip.  If you aren't a fan of these gentlemen, I suggest you close your windows and lock your motherf$%^ing doors.  Chuck Norris Blender Video Here

Two fellas watch "Two Girls One Cup" and both go running off in opposite directions to puke their guts out.  I'm beginning to think that I was the only one aroused by 2G1C.  Ho Hum.

The world just lost a terrific human being - Paul Newman.  Mr. Newman touched the world as an amazing actor, and one hell of a generous humanitarian.  Since 1982, the dawn of his legendary salad dressing company, Newman's Own, Mr. Newman donated over $250 million to charitable organizations.  Now, although I didn't see any of those donations (I suppose I should be grateful that I wasn't in his target audience), he gave me something far greater than money.  He gave me the inspiration to start Glutton Forum, which doesn't make any money at all. 

In 1967, he starred in the masterpiece, Cool Hand Luke.  If you've never seen it, go to the video rental store, find a clerk, and tell him that you want to watch Cool Hand Luke because you're tired of being an asshole.  He'll know what you mean.  In this iconic film, Newman's character, Luke, eats 50 hard boiled eggs consecutively.  Did Mr. Newman actually eat 50 eggs on screen?  No one really knows.  That secret unfortunately died with him.  What we do know, however, is that thousands of posers all over the world, myself included, have been inspired to attempt the stunt.  All joking aside, please take a few moments of your life to appreciate a piece of the legacy that this "natural-born world shaker" left for our enjoyment.  Rest In Peace.

Luke eating 50 hard-boiled eggs

This morning, in Charelston West Virginia, of course, Jose Cruz was picked up and taken back to a local police station for suspicion of driving under the influence.

The officer's crime fighting instinct was evidently dead on when Jose failed the sobriety test.  Briefly after his official arrest, old Jose tip toed up to the officer and ripped a fart on him.  Rather than laughing hysterically at Jose, high fiving him, and letting him off with a warning, the officer charged the assailant with not only the DUI, but "battery on an officer" and "obstructing an officer" as well.  These charges were added partially on account of the odor being "very strong".

Although the latter two charges were dropped earlier this afternoon, Jose will think twice next time he lays a beer fart on a boy in blue.

To view the WSAZ Charleston official report and video, click here.

Your nads will ache and your willy will burn while watching these shocking videos, but it's important to broaden your culinary horizons...it's not like you've never had VD anyway, right?  No?  Oh.  Me neither.

Sit back, relax, and vomit on yourself while you watch five penis dicing, testicle mincing video clips that will send your mind into flash backs of the "BME Pain Olympics" - if you haven't seen that yet, don't.  It's grosser than bull penis discharge...my mind's going south fast, so here are the videos:

• Sheeeeep testicles!  Sheep testicles here! 
• A Chinese restaurant that serves dishes made with a penis from every passenger on Noah's Arc.  This is where I proposed to my wife.  The waiter squeezed a quarter carat out of a cat urethra.  He got a fat tip.
• The Oakdale testicle festival.  These people go nuts for testicles.  This party is a ball.  It's a scrotum full of fun!
• Another penis video!
• Penis!!!  If Bob Marley ate penises, this would be his favorite dish, may he rest in peace.

I've heard a lot of naysayers in my time spewing BS myths about the milk challenge; "it's physically impossible for a human to ingest one gallon of milk in an hour", or "You'll puke no matter what!", or "My roommate actually did it, but then a bull shot him on a street corner drinking his wife's milk in vain".  The latter might be true, but Adam and Jamie just say it's "plausible".

I now present you with two gentlemen who totally dispell the aforesaid myths:

• Master of the competitive eating world, Joey Chestnut chugs an entire gallon of milk in only 41 seconds!!!
• In just 42 seconds, some kid, who in my opinion,should be wearing a cape in this video, massacres a full gallon of moo juice.  Yay!

Ah, strikeouts - these are what Roger Clemens would be doing if he used other drugs...I know, a baseball joke.  Sorry everyone.  The following is a small collection of videos featuring dastardly denizens performing strikeouts.  Glutton Forum in no way supports illegal drug use...besides, back in school we called them cannonballs anyway.  Seriously though, don't use drugs:

• For those of you who haven't seen the movie Beerfest, a strikeout is when you take a bong rip (tobacco, of course), hold in it, chug a beer, take a shot, and exhale.  Don't take it from me though, this fella from the aforementioned movie explains it best.
• This cat does six strikeouts in a row.  He's my hero...please feel sorry for me.
• Crazy mother does a strikeout with a four-foot-lightsabre-lookin'-like bong.
• If four feet wasn't enough for ya, homeslice here performs the feat with a six foot water pipe.  CarWash makes it look sooooo coooooool!

Well, there you have it...a brand new set of American heroes for you kids to look up to.  Stay in school!

I am pleased to announce that Glutton Forum has just released it's sister site, Glutton Cinema.  Glutton Cinema is where I will now be storing Glutton Forum's featured eating, drinking, and puking videos.  Now you don't have to leave the GF network to view new clips, and, more importantly, I found a lovely way to "host" them without violating copyright laws (I'm pretty sure anyway). 

Go take the blog out for a spin.  Oh, I just know you'll love it!!!

 

Flavor-Ice and vodka...the taste we came to love as children meets the taste we came to love as degenerate children.  I'd call this a Glutton Forum original drink recipe, but I have a hard time believing that I'm the first to mate these two fine ingredients.  Last Saturday, I was sitting around waiting for the Buckeyes to get the living piss stomped out of them when I went to the fridge for a drink.  For some ridiculous reason, I had about 100 Flavor-Ices and half a bottle of Smirnoff vodka in the freezer.  "What the hell?", said my brain, and I whipped up my first batch of Flavor-Ice martinis.  Here's the recipe:

• Two frozen treats of the same flavor
• A 5-count vodka pour (~5 shots)***
• One frozen treat of an alternate color for garnish

       ***- 3 count when serving children

Mash up two Flavor-Ices until they reach the consistency of mashed up Flavor-Ices.  Cut open the two wrappers and dump the contents into a glass.  Pour a five count of vodka into the glass and mix it up (although a drink mixer isn't required, it gives the juvenile experience a more professional ambiance).  Add the icy piece de resistance for garnish and suck that sweet drink down.

Enjoy.

Earlier this year, Absolut Vodka employed Zach Galifianakis, Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim to pull together their hilariously frightening minds and create an Absolut ad campaign.  What they came up with cannot really be described with the appropriate level of justice...have you ever actually tried to explain a Tom Goes To the Mayor episode to a friend who hasn't seen it?  Personally, I've destroyed several friendships that way.  Watch the movies.  They're "Ab-so-lutely" f'ing hilarious. 

VIDEOS HERE